When I came back a moment later, my beautiful husband was sitting on our couch and casually remarked he was going to have to fix the wall. As I noticed the drywall on his fist, I immediately burst into tears. It occurred to me that this fabulous idiot truly did love me to pieces. Jon is not an emotional person, does not show emotion hardly ever, and humor is his best defensive mechanism. That is how he was raised... his family subscribe in the worst possible way to the "if there is not a pool of blood at your feet, you better not shed a tear" mentality. I needed him to communicate his love for me in a way that was not natural to him and my frustration at him refusing to try led to this moment, where there was a hole in the wall, drywall on his swelling knuckles, and me sobbing at new realizations. This moment may seem crazy to some, but for the two of us it was one of the deepest and clearest breaths of air our marriage had ever taken. We were seeing each other on a new level. I realized he truly did love me and was desperate because he was not capable of showing it how I needed. He realized I needed him to try so badly that I was miserable enough to leave.
I would encourage each and every married person who finds themselves in a position to leave to look outside of themselves first. I have learned that I needed to stop asking myself what I wanted and needed over and over again. The question I needed to be asking was what does my spouse need and want? What can I do to make myself happy without needing them to fix it for me? I don't know or think that this will work for everyone or maybe even anyone, but it is starting to work for me....
