Here I sit... I have made no progress on weight loss, no progress on homework this week, and I definitely have not made any progress on finding a job. I have two new interviews this coming week, but I cannot seem to get a second look from anyone. I am more than frustrated. The hubby has been in the field all week long and depression seems to be an ever lingering friend... kinda like a bad aftertaste and just when you think you have brushed your teeth and gotten rid of it, you burp, and dammit, there it is.
I am exhausted of being exhausted. So this morning I Google "motivational quotes" and start reading. I tell you what! There is nothing like sitting down and reading that crap to guilt your behind into motion! So now I am sitting here making a list of everything I have yet to do as far as housework and homework go. I fell off the wagon and began smoking again two days ago, but now I am out once again and ready to charge on to the finish line. I am so tired of regretting my failures and being ashamed to be around people because I smell like smoke and look super heavy and eat really poorly. I think it is about time I feel proud of myself.
There comes a time in every adult life where you realize that despite your opinion to the contrary, you have not grown up as much as you think you have. So among my lists of things I am going to tackle, I make spreadsheets of finances of what next hubby payday looks like. Things grow grimmer and darker with every pay period and bill cycle that passes while I cannot find work. When I last sat down with my husband, I suggested cutting out cable TV and using Netflix and Hulu plus alone. He was NOT amenable to this plan. My friends also often want to do activity after activity, the majority of which involve spending money and wasting our resources. It has now occurred to me that part of being a grown up is making the hard choices, sacrificing what we want to do for what we need to do... I am mentally preparing myself to have a sit down with my husband and to put my foot down on the cable and other issues. I am sure I will have one hell of a mouthful to follow that conversation!
My mother used to have this saying she used whenever we didn't do something we were supposed to do or told to do. She would say: "If it is important enough to you, it will get done and be done right and on time. If you do not assign a task a level of importance, you will forget it and it will not get done". She was very right. We always devote ourselves to what we feel is important. So what does that say when we fight to keep things like cable TV, chocolate, and weight gaining activities on the agenda, but don't care to get up and go hiking, save money, quit smoking, and eat fresh healthy food. All of the things we don't fight for and don't do are the very things that will bless us with a long, healthy happy life.... somewhere along the line, priorities have seriously gotten out of balance. Time to do some alterations!
